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•I saw a woman with a shirt that said Guess? on it. So
I said, "implants?" She hit me.
•There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her
class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the
kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny. The
teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,"I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says,"Why aren't you a Bush fan?" Johnny says,"I'm a John Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The
boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she
says,"What if you're Mom was a moron,and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
•There are three guys who got stranded on an island and
meet up with their only chance of survival... a tribe! The master guy says "if u guys want to live go and get 10 fruits" The
first guy comes back with 10 apples.The master guy says "now shove 9 of them up your ass and if u twitch or move u will
go down to hell" The first guy twitched and so he went down to hell.The second guy comes back with 10 cherries. So the master
guy says "shove 10 of those up ure ass and if u twitch or move u will go down to hell" the second guy laughs so he goes
down to hell.Down in hell the first and the second guy are talking. The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed and the
second guy replies "bcuz i saw the next guy come with watermelons" lmao
•One night, a little blind boy's mother said to him,"Anthony,
if you pray really,REALLY hard tonight, when the sun rises tomorrow you will be able to see!" Needless to say, Anthony prays
up a storm! Morning came and Anthony is still blind.He starts crying and his mom rushes in.She gasps,"Anthony, what's wrong?"
Anthony wails,"Mommy, I prayed so hard but I'm still blind!" His Mom gently pats him on the head."I know, honey. April Fools!"
•A boy was doing real bad in math at skool so his parents
decided to get him a tutor but that didn't work then they got him special books and that didn't work so as a last resort his
parents sent him to a catholic skool.. within a couple of weeks his grades improved ..one day his mom went up into his
room and asked him what it was that had improved his grades and he said "well when i saw that guy nailed to the plus sign
i new they weren't joking!! LOL
•There was a Grim Reaper walks up to an old man
and says "Hello, Im Death." The old man replies, "Ok, I'll speak louder." haha
•Three women are about to be executed.One's a brunette,one's
a redhead and one's a blonde.The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She
says no and the executioner shouts,"Ready! Aim!" Suddenly the brunette yells,"EARTHQUAKE!!" Everyone is startled and throws
themselves on the ground while she escapes.The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last
requests.She says no and the executioner shouts,"Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the redhead yells,"TORNADO!!"
Everyone is startled
and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out.The guard brings her forward and the
executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" and the blonde yells,
"FIRE!!"
Hahaha
•Why did a mirror have six holes in it? Because a blonde
tried to shoot herself!.. hahaha
•This guy walks into a pet store and sees this parrot
named Joe so he says to the manager "I would like this bird" The manager says "Would you like to see what it can do?" "Sure"
replies the man. So the store manager pulls his left leg and the bird speaks in English. He pulls the birds right leg and
he speaks in French. The man asks "What will happen if you pull both of the birds legs?" The bird replies, "I'll fall off
you dumbass!"
•FuBu shirt-$100, Rocca Wear Sweatshirt-$80, Sean John
Hat-$50, Realizing your white...Priceless.. hahaha
•So there's this guy walking out of a bank and he sees
a blonde sitting on the steps crying very hard. He goes and sits next to her and asks "What's wrong?" The blonde says in between
sobs, "Oh, I just found out that my mother died." The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry well you know she's in a better place..." Then
the blonde's cell phone rings and she picks it up.. "Hello? Oh that's horrible! I can't believe it!" The man asks, "What happened?"
"That was my sister. Her mom just died, too!"
•Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was
on his side!.. haha
•What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck..hahahaha
•How are Michael Jackson and PS2's related??? They're
both made of plastic and little kids turn them on!!
lmao!
•Knock knock
Who's there?
Lil' boy blue
Lil' boy blue who?
Micheal Jackson!
hahahaha! lmao
•How did the frog cross the road?
He tied himself to a chicken
•A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde jokes. She replied
"I think they are good but they might be offensive to some brunettes."
•What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew the lightbulb
•How do prisoners call each other?
On their cell phones
•A guy walks into a bar and buys a huge beer. Then he sees somebody he
knows and decides to say hi to him. But he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sits it on a table along with
a note that says "I spit in this beer." hoping nobody will steal it. Upon return he sees another note that says "Me too."
•Two guys walk into a bar, one ducks
•A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes
to see the doctor...She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down...
He gets out his light and says,
"Open wide"..."I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."!
LMFAO
•There once was a lady who was tired of living alone.
So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't
run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on
the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can
see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
•Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never
remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What Problem?
•How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Put a flash light to her ear.
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